Today I went for a walk in Effie Yeaw Nature Center, it was a
perfect day, the sky was clear and the temperature warm. I began
my walk from just outside of the north entrance. As usual, I felt
a little apprehensive as I entered the park. I knew the memories
would come with each and every step that I would take. I know the
memories are not the problem, itís that empty feeling that over
powers me, it makes me feel helpless and sad. Today I realized
that I was being selfish. I wanted what I could not have. I wanted
to blame someone, or something for making me feel this sadness.
I want the memories, I want them all, without that empty sad
feeling. I want to hear the laughter and see the smiles.
I want to remember the touch and smell the fragrance. I want to
live with those beautiful memories as part of me. I need to find
this beauty within me, and let go of all the negative feelings
that boil up from my darkness. I know this, yet I can not feel it!
And today was one more day of beauty and sadness,